hunting season.

I hate hunting.

I get the point of it and all that so I don't publicly bash on it (although sometimes I'd like to, especially when people post their photos of dead deer on the FB, I mean seriously I don't want to effin see it jackass!).

Anyways, besides the picturing innocent animals getting their lives taken at gun point....I really hate it because it kinda upsets my outdoor adventuring.

Although, it does mean me and my dog get to match day in and day out (hunter orange, woot woot!)....it also means we get to totally blow up hunter's hot spots on a regular basis as we trudge through the woods.

But the best thing about this hunting season is that the baby fawn colored cow on my road gets to wear a sweet ass orange colored neckwarmer.

pee brain.

In the woods, like all the time.

If I'm headed somewhere and it hits me, on the side of the road.

In parking lots, on beaches, at soccer fields.

If there is a hold up at someone's house, a backyard.

Which one time in college, I was headed back from a party and stopped to pop a squat in a yard, because quite honestly I wasn't going to make it back, and as I was peeing someone inside the house threw on the outside lights.

Peeing in the spotlight, not amazing.

Sometimes when I wake up in the morning and bring my dog outside, it will strike like lightening, and I swear there will be no way I will make it back up my stairs to the bathroom, so I pop a squat in my own yard.

I know, I'm fucking classy.

But really, I just don't care.

If I have to go, I'm gonna go.

So as I was out hiking yesterday, and I hadn't seen anyone in nearly 2 hours, it hit. 

I've got to pee.

So with a quick glance either way down the trail, I popped a squat.

Boom, hello silent bicyclists appearing from no where.

There was clearly no way to cover up what I was doing.

So I just chirped a quick hello, which they proceeded to ignore, and everyone continued on their merry way.

It's a good thing running into those people in the future is seriously unlikely.

befriending bears.

My dog is one of kind.  Truly unique and I love him.

He has a pretty impressive knack of finding various creatures and making friends with them. 

One afternoon, about a year ago, I was driving home to my apartment (I say apartment, it was actually dubbed the "uni-bomb shack" by several friends, so saying apartment may be embellishing a bit).  It had been raining all day.  But rain is no biggie so I figured I'd stop at a trail on my way home, do a quick loop, and let my dog burn off some energy.

The trail I stopped at is a pretty popular trail, I actually tend to avoid it in nice weather because there are so many people out there.  This day, because of all the rain, there was not one person out there.  It was also later in the evening, so I'm sure everyone had called it quits for the night.

Anyways, my dog and I set off, did the loop I wanted to do, and started heading back the main section of trail.  I don't leash him, he doesn't need it as he stays right with me and responds very well to cues.

As we're heading up the main section I look up ahead and think to myself, well shit, that is the biggest dog I have ever seen in my life!  I figured, gotta be a Newfie (seriously this thing HOUSED my dog, who isn't little), and I actually looked up to the woods to connect with the owner.  While I was doing all this, I never gave any verbal command to my dog.

Well, my dog went running up ahead to meet this "Newfie."  As he got closer to it, it dawned on me.  FUCKING HELL, that's a BEAR!

Well, my dog didn't seem to think this was an issue, as he and this bear headed into the woods together.

I start hysterically screaming, shouting, and blowing my safety whistle (randomly my Mother bought me this one day, and I happened to put it in my rain jacket pocket previously)....just an fyi, safety whistles are useless.  First no one responds when you are out in the middle of no-where and secondly WTF are they actually going to do?

While I'm nearing a panic stricken state and picturing myself hoisting my 90lb dog over my shoulders to carry him out of the woods and get him medical attention, he's hanging out in the woods with this bear. 

Moments later he poked his head of the woods and looked at me like "what the bloody hell is all this racket about." 

I ran to him with complete relief that he was moving.  Mind you he was still standing right where the bear went into the woods, but yes I ran to him.  I checked him over, found that there was not one scratch on him, took a deep breathe, and told him we were heading out. 

We started walking.  After a few steps I decided to turn and take a peek, make sure all was good in the hood.

Oh, hello MOTHER bear.

I have never in my entire life had my whole body just drain of emotion that quickly.

As I stood there in front of this enormous black bear, with my dog next to me, I realized: I've got nothing.  So as she turned to stare at us, I thought "here I am.  I'm yours for the taking." 

She locked eyes with me, and then continued across after her cub.

As quickly as I was prepared to offer this bear my life, now I was filled with an overwhelming sense of relief.  My body was vibrating with adrenaline, WHO THE HELL DOES THIS SHIT HAPPEN TO?

Not only was my dog effing hanging out and playing with a bear cub, but I stood in-between the Mother bear and her cub (AKA ONE OF THE WORST DECISIONS YOU CAN MAKE).

How was I not attacked?  How was my dog not attacked?  What, for goodness sake, was my dog doing with this bear cub, playing?  Does shit like this actually happen?

Friends who are avid outdoors-people are a bit baffled by this story.  My friends' Father said that for some reason the Mother bear must not have seen me as a threat (must have been that gosh darn safety whistle!).

I'm considering this my one scrape by with unbelievable luck. 

So the fact that there is a 700lb black bear currently roaming through my yard each night, eeks me out a bit.  I can't possibly be that lucky twice.

accidental drug bust.

So, as I was walking through the woods with my dog last night.  I was thinking about how I was going to organize my blog.  Should I start with the early years and slowly make my way up until now so that you understand more of who I am?  Ultimately I've decided I'm going to just roll with it, and whatever it is I want to write about, I'm going to write about.

Today, it's going to be about an accidental drug bust.  I'm serious, it was an accident.

The house across the road and down a ways from me had a family living in it when I first moved to my apartment.  I didn't really get to know them well, just happened to say hi occasionally if I saw them outside.  Or that one time I was walking by as the guy was yelling, while all sorts of angry at his wife, and then came crashing outside and broke the door off the hinges.  My dog thought about peeing on their mailbox as we walked by, I told him he better think again, and then tried to walk by all casual like. 

Before winter really struck, the family moved out (I wasn't that upset seeing as they had 3 poorly trained & underexercised dogs, one of which bit off part of my neighbors' dogs' ear).  But anyways, they were gone.

As winter came barreling through, after each significant storm the guy would come and plow out the house.  Literally that was the only time I ever saw anyone there.  But I also work a 9-5PM job, so who knows what was going on there during the day, certainly I didn't know.

One evening, after a bad storm, he arrived, plowed the driveway, and left again.  No biggie.

The next morning I went for a walk, I opted to stay on the road this particular morning because the snow was ridiculously high and had that hard crust on the top that my dog broke through with every step, which makes for a not very fun walk.  Anyways, so as I'm walking down the road, my dog (unleashed, he's that good!) stopped at the end of the driveway, looked at me, and kind of began to meander his way closer to the house.  I asked him to stop and then I realized, crap the fire alarm is going off.

I wasn't sure what I was going to do about the situation, so I decided I would continue on my merry-way and when I walked back past the house on my way home, if the alarm was still going off, I would deal with it then.

As I was walking, I decided that with my luck I would get home from work and the house would be burned to the ground, and I would feel like an utter asshole.  Ugh, so I decided to call the non-emergency line for the local police department. 

Now I'm terrible on the phone, so when I called it was something like "Ohhhh hi!  So I live on such and such a road and the house is abandoned across the street, but not really abandoned because the guy still plows it, but anyways they have a fire alarm going off.  Now I'm sure it's probaly a low battery or something, but if you know me, which you don't hahaha, you would know that with my luck I wouldn't call you guys and the house would burn down while I was at work.  I don't really want that to fall on my shoulders or that to happen at all."  To which she responded, if you can please just give me the address I can have someone check on the house.  Ohhh, right okay, thanks.

I went to work feeling like I successfully performed my neighborly duty.

I left work early this particular day because my sister invited me to be her wingman at a show in the city (another story for another post, trust me you'll want more info).  Anyways, so I got home around 2:30ish, to like seven police cars lining the road in front of the house with the alarm.  I thought to myself, phew!  Thank goodness I called, it must have been a basement fire or something.

I grabbed my dog to go for a stroll and strike up a brief conversation with one of the officers.  I walked up and said "Wow, am I glad you guys showed up, and that I called!  Must have been a real fire or something, like holy crap!"  He frowned down at me (likely thinking what is wrong with this girl), and said oh you're the one that called, thanks, yea we're just checking out a few things.

So I went back inside, got ready for this impromptu concert, and left in the early evening.  While I was driving I got a phone call from a neighbor.  He just wanted to clue me in with what was going on across the street in case I was wondering about all the cops. 

I CALLED IN A GROW HOUSE. 

The alarm was going off because it got damp, an icicle fell in a window or something ridiculous.  I heard the alarm, called it in, they checked on the house, and found an intricate grow system set up. 

Seriously.

When they found the family at the house they actually lived in, they also found a couple unlicensed guns. 

I told the chief of police that my name was to removed off of any documentation and that no one better know it was me that called.

I also asked if I could get a few freebies on my next couple pull-overs since I called in the biggest drug bust in the town's history.

Additionally I said my dog could do detective work if they needed the help.