thought for thursday.

A huge dream of mine is just packing up and relocating - somewhere. 

That somewhere list is kind of like chock full of never ending options.

A lot of the time though when I talk about this desire - the feedback is something along the lines of "you can't just run away from where you are at."

But really, sometimes running away puts you exactly where you're supposed to be.

And that risk?  Maybe worth it, maybe not. 

But not risking it and never knowing what might have happened?  Now that's a terrible chance to take.

questions.

Sometimes I feel kinda like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride (minus the whole getting married bit), but the whole not knowing what it is you truly want. 

I mean, really she didn't even know what kind of eggs were her favorite - truth: I'm mostly in the same boat.

I more or less know my favorite foods (pepperoni pizza xtra pepperoni, cheeseburgers, my Mom's meatloaf, her homemade macaroni & cheese, Thanksgiving feast your face menu, mostly anything chocolate (york peppermint patties are the best though!), and well actually there is quite a bit more)....I guess scratch the more or less know my favorite foods.

Anyways, I'm kinda feeling like I'm in a pretty big rut and I'm actually having quite a bit of issues with anxiety lately.

Then I found this blog post (which seriously check out their whole blog, really awesome stuff - expect some in future friday favorites, that's for sure): 95 Questions to Help You Find Meaning and Happiness.

Sign me up, immediately.

So I dove right in obviously.

Then I began to get frustrated, ohhh I don't know, by the time I reached question #5.

I literally can't answer these questions.

Nothing....well ok, maybe like a few questions all which have answers pertaining to my dogster.

Dogster = big love & happiness.

But any direct question requiring complete honesty with/on myself and I've got nothing?

Am I that much of a shell?  Or am I that much of a mostly happy living with my head in the clouds type of mess?

WTF.

pretty disaster.

I posted a picture on my facebook this morning.

It was a photo of the snowy trees after the devastating snowstorm last weekend.

I labled it "a pretty disaster."

One of my friends immediately wrote underneath it

just like you Twigs!

I suppose being a pretty disaster isn't such a bad thing.

I mean at least I'm a happy mess.

lost.

I always feel like I'm lost and un-settled.

I'm in a job I don't like, but I'm comfortable in. 

I live in a fantastic location and I love my landlord and landlady but I want to explore the country, see if I'm supposed to fit somewhere else. 

I don't want to just stay in the same area I grew up in, just because I'm scared to explore.

I want to explore, I'm psychologically prepared to do it, but I also know I'd miss my friends here.

But friends are friends no matter where you are in location.

It's like a constant battle in my brain.

The battle erupts after weekends like this past rockstar one.

It makes me realize I don't want to be in the same spot, doing the same thing, year after year.

I want to get out and LIVE, explore, change....all that good stuff.

This morning I sumbled upon this post: Why Feeling Lost is a Gift (And Why Questions are Your Friends).

Now I feel even more okay with my holy shit what in the cripes is going on in my life everyday status.